Why Do People Hurt Us?

Many of us can get our feelings hurt fairly easily.  When that happens, human nature can take over to protect us from further harm.  Too often our defenses can stop us from asking hre important question, “Why did the person choose such an action?”  There are many reasons why people may end up hurting us.  In this newsletter and in next month’s, I will mention a few them.

Sometimes it can merely be by accident or totally unintentional.  When my mother died, I received a number of beautiful sympathy cards.  Unfortunatly, one of them was signed with only a first name and had no return address on the envelope.  Since I knew more than one person with this common first name I could not respond with a thank you.  To do so would have been running the risk of an uncomfortable or embarrassing situation. Have you ever experienced a situation similar to this?   Stop and think!  Is there a time when you could not properly respond to someone or might have hurt someone unintentionally due to the lack of information?

Sometimes people hurt us because they think we deserve it.  Maybe they think you aren’t doing your share of the job or project or that you are taking too much credit for the amount you have done. If you are getting your feelings hurt while on the job or find yourself in an uncomfortable situation while working on a project, stop and take a look at your performance and your input.  How might others be responding to what you are or are not doing.

Too often, people hurt us with what they consider their good intentions. Sometimes we may say something to someone with the idea of “helping” them when in the long run the words are taken in a different way and the message back fires.   Many find it difficult to choose the correct words when someone is experiencing a rough time.  For example, when a woman has a miscarriage, she is experiencing a real death.   But sometimes instead of offering sympathy, someone might respond with something like “You are young and can still have another baby” or “It was for the baby’s good” or “It was in God’s plan.” What she (or couple) really need to hear are words of comfort.  Anytime someone loses a loved one, he/she needs compassion and support.

Sometimes a person has no choice because rules or guidelines must be followed.  Over the past several years, I have served as a local or state officer of various organizations. While serving as the president, I have personally found myself in situations of being forced to take a position or a particular action because I had to follow the rules.   Several people have gotten very upset with my at various times because he/she wanted me to say or do something that I was not aloud to do.  Have you been in a situation where you had to follow a path you didn’t like?  Have you gotten angry and hurt with someone who had no choice in the action taken?

In my next article, I will continue to describe various ways people can hurt us and try to help you look at the other side of the coin.